Getting this for Bobby for Valentine’s/Anniversary.
It’s sterling silver with garnet and custom engraving on the inside of the band. She loves stars, too so this will be amazingly perfect. I’m excited!
It’s a sort-of practical replacement for a more decorative ring that I already got her. Now she’ll have something she can wear every day. :)
My rational brain is dominating my open heart. I’m biting my tongue. It almost hurts not to say it. I’ll never find someone quite like you… yet, I want it to be special. Not special in a Mary Tyler Moore kind of way, or in an Extra Value Meal at Happy Burger way… I mean special. I want it to be more meaningful than I am able to really describe because… you’re worth every letter.
With a little help from the Internet we slowly started to bond. To become friends. I read her blogs. They made me sad because I knew so well the feelings she described. Not just the loneliness, but the feeling of being unwanted. The feeling of desperation that comes with trying to have long distance relationships. The worry that the next one will be just as fickle as the last.
One night she texted me. We had never really had a one on one conversation that wasn’t on a public forum like Facebook or LiveJournal. Our conversation was engaging. Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it could turn into something good, but like always I kept my expectations low. A day later she asked me to hang out with her and some of her friends at a club in the city. I knew it wasn’t my scene. Dancing. Getting drunk with people I don’t even know. It just wasn’t me at all.
I was worried I’d just end up the odd man out. But she was convincing. It also happened to be Valentine’s Day and I didn’t really want to be alone, so I took a chance. Two hours in, including the time we spent in the car, I was beginning to feel like a fixture. It was loud. People seemed far away and uninterested. But then she started looking at me. Her friends hovering above her making out in a completely awkward way. I could tell she wanted to move but couldn’t.
When I had the chance, I sat down next to her. Closer than I would normally sit next to someone, but she didn’t seem to mind. We started talking and just clicked. The anxiety I would normally feel in the same kind of situation seemed to dissolve. She said she liked me and I put my arm around her and said I liked her too. It was amazing. I had a strange amount of confidence I had never really experienced before. I even initiated our first kiss. It was the longest, sweetest first kiss I had ever had. She spilled her drink in my lap and I didn’t even notice till it was over.
I joked that she should have brought boys that like to dance. But later in the evening I found myself dragging her onto the dance floor with no cue. I had no idea the song playing was something she liked. We danced slowly and although I couldn’t hear it, I could see her lips singing along.
We pretty much didn’t let go of each other for the rest of the night. We weren’t even kissing, we were just holding on. She made me feel unbelievably comfortable. I knew it was mutual because she said I felt safe, like home. I had never had anyone feel that way about me. I felt needed. I felt wanted.
The next day I considered the events that had transpired and asked her to go on another date with me. We got to talking again and didn’t get off the phone till almost 5am, nearly 14 hours after our conversation had started.
The rest is just between me and her, but I can still hardly believe I was so lucky to meet someone so special and amazing. She brings out the best in me. I say all the right things without even trying. I just understand her, and she understands me. And best of all I have absolutely no worries.
If I could do my life over and avoid all the bad stuff I wouldn’t, because I might not have ever met her. She is the one I want. With all the millions of people I could chose to be with, I chose her.
It’s like some Groundhog Day nightmare.
I’m totally losing my marbles.
BREAK, DAMN YOU! FEEL SOMETHING!
:(
If there are things I don’t talk about it’s because I’m not comfortable doing so. Since when is my life public domain? There are things I might not ever tell you. Ever. They’re not bad things, they’re just personal. Deal with it or leave me alone.
Yesterday I went to the city and made an awesome new friend, Krista. We hung out all day and got delicious coffee and weird shaped pizza and tried our best not to look like hipsters with our silly glasses, unlabeled coffee cups, cigarettes, plaid and obscure band shirts. Then later we learned how incredibly directionally retarded we are after spending many worried hours of not being able to find the car. Finally we did and thank GOD for Google Maps on iPhone or the whole trip might have been a bust. There’s some irony behind “thanking god” as our car was apparently underneath a church the entire time.
We made it to Oakland just barely in time for the concert we were ultimately headed to. We saw most of The Residents and they were totally awesome. I’m really glad I got to see that. Then Primus came on and they weren’t great, but Les Claypool is still a BAMF on the bass. We left a little early because we were both exhausted, but all-in-all it was worthwhile. There were going to be bacon donuts too but instead the shop was closed and we got a parking ticket. :/
Today I woke up in Oakland! I slept pretty well. All the exercise definitely helped, but I did learn later that there was a BACON AIR FRESHENER in the apartment near me the whole time. Smells of bacon help everyone sleep better, right? Sure they do.
I started work pretty much right when I got up. Got into an argument with my boss. Didn’t go to sushi with my friend because I was too busy, which was lame, but we did hang out for a while after. Went to Target in Oakland then the BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit). I think I finally was in Santa Rosa around 8pm. I tried to get a ride as I missed the last City Bus but everyone was too busy so I went to the Aleworks and had a pear cider and, ironically again, a veggie sandwich called “The Hippie” which was really good.
After dinner I tried calling people again and still no luck so I called a taxi which took forever and I stood in the cold and rain for far too long feeling kinda pathetic… then angry. I yelled at my roommate for not letting me take the car to the Park & Ride ahead of time. I’ve been winding down since, and I feel much better now that I am home.
So yeah, yesterday was spectacular, and today was kinda meh. After two bad holidays in a row I’m feeling like I don’t want to be participating in this holiday thing anymore at all. We’ll see…
So far it isn’t raining. Yay. Going to San Francisco and then Oakland today. Making new friends. Seeing The Residents and Primus. Getting bacon donuts!!! Yeah. I don’t have a data plan right now so I wouldn’t expect any live blogging about this, but I will definitely be reporting my findings when I can.
Have a good day you guys. :)
what you do to me.
Obviously I’m not getting rid of this.
I need a fresh start on Tumblr. That’s what its about. I feel like I have too many followers/follow-back type commitments on my other blog and my feed is just too busy with crap I don’t care about. No offense.
Also, there’s soooo much about me nested in that other blog and it’s all indexed by Google and I’m just not feeling so comfortable about that anymore. Sure, this blog is all about me, but I don’t post my picture or say my name and as far as Google is concerned, I’m nobody. And that’s how I like it.