With a little help from the Internet we slowly started to bond.  To become friends.  I read her blogs.  They made me sad because I knew so well the feelings she described.  Not just the loneliness, but the feeling of being unwanted.  The feeling of desperation that comes with trying to have long distance relationships.  The worry that the next one will be just as fickle as the last.

One night she texted me.  We had never really had a one on one conversation that wasn’t on a public forum like Facebook or LiveJournal.  Our conversation was engaging.  Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it could turn into something good, but like always I kept my expectations low.  A day later she asked me to hang out with her and some of her friends at a club in the city.  I knew it wasn’t my scene.  Dancing.  Getting drunk with people I don’t even know.  It just wasn’t me at all.

I was worried I’d just end up the odd man out.  But she was convincing.  It also happened to be Valentine’s Day and I didn’t really want to be alone, so I took a chance. Two hours in, including the time we spent in the car, I was beginning to feel like a fixture.  It was loud.  People seemed far away and uninterested.  But then she started looking at me.  Her friends hovering above her making out in a completely awkward way.  I could tell she wanted to move but couldn’t.

When I had the chance, I sat down next to her.  Closer than I would normally sit next to someone, but she didn’t seem to mind.  We started talking and just clicked. The anxiety I would normally feel in the same kind of situation seemed to dissolve.  She said she liked me and I put my arm around her and said I liked her too.  It was amazing.  I had a strange amount of confidence I had never really experienced before.  I even initiated our first kiss.  It was the longest, sweetest first kiss I had ever had.  She spilled her drink in my lap and I didn’t even notice till it was over.

I joked that she should have brought boys that like to dance.  But later in the evening I found myself dragging her onto the dance floor with no cue.  I had no idea the song playing was something she liked.  We danced slowly and although I couldn’t hear it, I could see her lips singing along.

We pretty much didn’t let go of each other for the rest of the night.  We weren’t even kissing, we were just holding on.  She made me feel unbelievably comfortable. I knew it was mutual because she said I felt safe, like home.  I had never had anyone feel that way about me.  I felt needed.  I felt wanted.

The next day I considered the events that had transpired and asked her to go on another date with me.  We got to talking again and didn’t get off the phone till almost 5am, nearly 14 hours after our conversation had started.

The rest is just between me and her, but I can still hardly believe I was so lucky to meet someone so special and amazing.  She brings out the best in me.  I say all the right things without even trying.  I just understand her, and she understands me.  And best of all I have absolutely no worries.

If I could do my life over and avoid all the bad stuff I wouldn’t, because I might not have ever met her.  She is the one I want.  With all the millions of people I could chose to be with, I chose her.